NUTURING OUR RELATIONSHIPS DURING THE QUARANTINE

Being shut in during this Covid19 quarantine time is taking its toll on everyone.    However, for our parents of kiddos on the spectrum, the toll is exponential.    Most of our kids have no idea what is going on and why their schedule and routine has been pulled out from under them.    Parents are trying to work, manage their special needs kids, as well as ensure that their neurotypical children are getting their school work done.

All of this is taking a toll on marriages and relationships for these parents – an even greater toll than that of “simply” raising a special needs kiddo.

It’s cliché and is easier said than done, but time has to be carved out somehow to nurture our relationships.    Even if it’s just a few minutes each day.    

6 WAYS TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN

1)    If doable, pay an older sibling to entertain the others while you and your spouse go outside and have a glass of wine on the deck alone together.

Even if it’s only for an hour once or twice a week.     Set the timeline for the “babysitter” so he or she knows how long the expectation is for.     Use this time to check in with each other – to dream about what you’ll do after this is all over.    To appreciate each other.

2)    No matter how exhausted you are at the end of the day, take even 15 minutes to connect with your spouse after the kids go to bed.    Even if it just means sitting on the couch together holding hands and not talking.    The dishes will be there.     So will the toys.     This is most important.

3)    Find a show that you’re both into and set a time to watch it together at least a couple of times a week.    Without the kids.     Chances are you can’t binge watch anything right now.     But finding a show that you both love and making time to watch it will give you something to share and look forward to.     Again, the dishes and toys can wait.     This is most important.

4)    Play a round or two of “Would you Rather” every day.     Make your questions fun and centered around things that are fun to think about.     Like, “would you rather go scuba diving or sky diving” or “would you rather have a houseboat as your home or an RV as your home?”

5)    Catch your spouse doing the right thing and reinforce it.   ABA works on everyone, not just our kids.    It’s easy to hone in on the things that are annoying us during this time.     Let’s reinforce the good stuff as much as we can, as well. 

6)    Give each other time to do something alone.    Exercise, take a long hot bath, read a book, take a nap.    Often, getting some alone time to do something “healthy” will revive and give the parent energy to keep on keepin on.

This quarantine has given our parents who already had a full plate, a plate that is overflowing.    Raising a special needs child is tough on a marriage.     Being quarantined is tough on a marriage.     The two together is beyond tough.   Be kind to yourselves and be kind to each other.